On February 6, 2015 we
found out we were having a boy! Twelve
days later we learned he didn’t have a heartbeat. The next five days together were spent as a
family. My anger came out in being
snappy with my husband and kids. I also
became more sarcastic. Laron would tell
me not to lift anything heavy, to not do certain things or to be extra
careful. I would rudely respond with,
“What am I going to do? Kill a dead baby?
I was really trying to suppress my anger as a strength to my family, but
it didn’t come with love and compassion.
This is our second
miscarriage in two and a half years. The
previous time we were six weeks along.
This recent pregnancy, Laron and the children became more involved and
more excited! I was a little
past-feeling. I didn’t want to deliver
this baby that everyone wanted to see. I
knew what is like to pass or deliver an unborn baby. I didn’t want to relive it.
The morning of, I asked
Laron to give me a Priesthood blessing.
I had one earlier that week, but I didn’t realize how scared I was to go
into labor again. In the blessing, I was
told that the Lord was grateful for me to
be willing to be a vessel for this Spirit to gain a body. I didn’t know I was willing, but the Lord
knows me and my faith and desires to be an instrument in His hands each day. This point is why I feel I need to share this
with many others who have been through similar experiences. The Lord knows you, loves you, knows your
faith and desires to serve Him.
My main concerns, being
a high-risk patient, I wanted to keep all my female parts and know I could have
another successful pregnancy if the Lord allowed. My family really wanted to see the baby which
meant I would be induced and deliver this baby.
I know ultimately, this was my decision to make. We went ahead with the delivery. The Labor and Delivery nurses at St. Luke’s-Boise
couldn’t have been better! I had two
nurses assigned to me and they treated me like a Queen!
My parents, sister and
niece drove hundreds of miles to help Laron and I with our four beautiful
children. My prayers were all
answered! I wanted to have it happen
while Laron had work off, I wanted our children to be near after the birth, and
I wanted to have no further complications in the delivery that would prevent me
from being able to be a vessel of the Lord.
What I didn’t expect to
be an outcome of this special day-was how spiritual the whole day felt. We invited our children to come in after the
birth. The reverence in the room
expanded as our children watched this lifeless body being held and loved. Laron told them that his body is here but his
spirit is outside of his body now. His
spirit was felt in the room.
My family soon left and
Laron’s parents, who also drove hundreds of miles, were able to come up later
during the week. Earlier that week, I
thought of how special it was to have every woman in our family who had a
miscarriage or stillborn be able to come help us in our hour of need. I hope and pray that it was healing for them
as well to be here in our tender moments and mercies with the Lord!
